Greetings and welcome to my new blog site! My name is Kailyne. I am 29 years old (about to turn 30 in 6 days *gulp*). I am married to a wonderful man named Sarath. We have a perfect little doggy boy named Rupert. I am a pediatrician in my last two months of my pediatric residency and S is in his last 14 months of his surgical residency. We live in an adorable town home in Orange County (Southern California). After being together for almost 11 years, married for almost 2 years, we are finally ready to take the next step - trying to have a baby.
This is a time of the unknown. I am the type of person that always likes to be prepared. Throughout my time in undergrad at UCLA, medical school in Michigan, and in residency, I have learned that preparation and hard work can lead to accomplishing any goal. However, when it comes to having a baby, it really doesn't matter how much you plan, because it just takes time and luck. Yes, I am starting to cycle track and I'm taking my prenatal vitamins, but all of that preparation doesn't necessarily mean that you are able to conceive. Because of my inability to plan in this situation, I decided to create this blog. Writing has always been a tool of comfort for me; when all of my thoughts run wild, I can come to a blog and write things out that I normally couldn't/wouldn't say out loud. My old blog Pink Scrubs was my way of getting out my thoughts during medical school and I hope that this will be a safe space to write about what is happening during my journey to conceive. I don't think I am going to publicize this forum to any of my friends/family for now, because this is such a personal topic, but in time, I am sure I will share the site.
Its an odd time in my life right now. With graduating residency, my life officially can change from a focus on my journey to become a physician/pediatrician to a focus on creating a family. Up until this point, all of my time and attention has been focused on my career. I have always known that I wanted to be a mom, but I was never at the point in my life where I was logistically ready. Working 80 hours per week + my hubby working at least that amount did not really set the stage for a growing family. Its also strange being almost 30 in this stage of life. In one sense, literally all of my friends from medical school, college, and residency are baby free, because they are in the same career-driven stage as I am. My friend group from high school, however, will always be my best friends, but are all in a totally different stage of life. As you can imagine, the four of us are now very different and have had such different paths since graduating from highs school 11 years ago, but we have and will always remain close. The four girls are all married and all have children. I was the last to get married, and now the last to have children. While it doesn't bother me and I am very happy with the timeline of my life so far, I am finally at the point of wanting what my friends have -- a baby of my own to love, cherish, and raise.
I am a fairly healthy woman. I am a little overweight and have a small fibroid on my uterus, but my cycles are regular, I don't take any medications or have any chronic health problems, eat fairly healthy, and exercise at least a few times per week. I know that I have no significant red flags with having difficulty trying to conceive, but I am still petrified it won't work for me. I can tell you so many statistics about probabilities of conception and all of the dos/donts, but when it comes to myself and not giving out general advise to patients, it feels different. I have already invested in over the counter ovulation tests and sperm monitoring tests that I know is probably all overkill, but my scientific/analytical mind needs data and a way to control the situation as much as I can. I have never been that much of an anxious person, but I can feel the anxiety starting to build up. I know in my heart that I am meant to be a mom. Its so hard to try and relax and enjoy the process, because I just want to know that it is going to work. I am just starting my journey, and for all I know may even get pregnant this cycle, but the unknown is just so scary.
I'm sure there are a lot of women out there that are having all the same thoughts as me right now and hope that one day, when I do get the courage of sharing this forum, that this journey will help others feel like they are not alone with these thoughts.
Thats all for now,
Dr K
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